One Line Jokes ...

1. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

2. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.

3. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

4. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

5. I used to think i was indecisive, but now i'm not too sure.

6. If you say 'plz' because it's shorter than 'please', I'll say 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'.

7. What part of the car is the laziest?
"The wheel, because they are always tired."

8. What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
Ever tried  swatting a fly with a TV?

9. What makes the calendar seem so popular?
Because it has a lot of dates.

10. What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
Their nose.

11. Why do you go to bed every night?
Because the bed won't come to you.

Flirty Phrases...

1. If i can re-arrange the alphabet, I will put U&I together.

2. Do you have a library card? Because i am checking you out.

3. I am new in this city. Can you give me the direction to your apartment please?

4. If you were a tear in my eye i would not cry for fear of losing you.

Inspirational Quotes...

1. Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. William Arthur Ward
2. What we play is life. Louis Armstrong
3. If you can't be funny, be interesting. Harold Ross
4. The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. Rod Steiger.
5. To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. J.K Rowling
6. A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. Patricia Neal
7. To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. Chinese Proverb
8. Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age. Jeanne Moreau
9. I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings. Wolfgang Mozart.
10. Nobody sees a flower - really- like to have a friend, it takes time. Georgia O'Keefe